p pol The Adventures of Carboman: Looking forward to Saturday

Monday, October 03, 2005

Looking forward to Saturday

Another runner friend is getting himself hitched. Well, he'd done the deed but this Saturday's the dinner. I thought it'll be nice to advice him via this posting on what to expect being also a runner myself. I'm sure he has been getting loads of advice from his parents and well-meaning relatives and friends going into his marriage but still I thought I'd share my bit.

To him:
1. Keep your peace
Sometimes or many times even when we're in the right, it's better to keep quiet, hoping that Truth will surface one day. Adding to a volatile situation will not help things. Be the first to make up - we're afterall Men.

2. Give and take
OK, be prepared to give a lot and expect little. Many a times, something that we're passionate about eg running will take a back seat. Be prepared to miss workouts and races and be prepared to face questions by non-married friends who can't seem to understand your situation. If you want her to be interested in your interests, you'll need to do the same for hers as well. If she's not interested, at least there's a likely chance that she'll appreciate your sweetness for seeing her way. Now there's more responsibility such as house chores, budgeting and more - no problem since you've been independent all these while.

3. Be flexible
Now that there's more than 1 person in your life your personal time will shrink. Therefore find time to catch up or do things that are important to maintaining your equillibrium. Read a book in the toilet, run at odd hours if you have to (some sacrifice involved here), cut back on non-essentials like TV... While we're not fugitives, having limited time to do what we like will increase our enjoyment of the activities. 

4. Think long term
Some things may seem very important, but in effect not. Especially when a certain thought is conceived in moments of anger or lust. Staying calm, rational and communicating will go a long way towards.

5. Enjoy your couplehood
This phase is perhaps the easiest for a married couple to spend time together. Something you might not get to experience at this degree of enjoyment. Make it count, before the kids pop out. But they can be very rewarding and enjoyable, them kids.

6. Don't look back
More often that not, looking back is a sign of regret or a feeling of what might have been. Don't dig back past histories or past misunderstandings. "I told you so...", "Remember last time I've already adviced you...". It's all water under the bridge. Learn and move forward.
To her:
1. Your hubby's a runner
There are somethings that non-runner don't understand. Like the need to run everyday. For a distance runner, each run should take at least 1 hour, else it's simply not fulfilling enough. If he's shown interest in your pastimes, it's OK to allow him some time to run. Afterall, a serious runner leads a healthier lifestyle than many people out there. Better still, try out running. You may discover the very joy he's found. Oh yes, we do accumulate loads of shoes.

2. Your hubby may be right
Whilst Point 1 in the To Him section states that he should take a lead and hold his peace, he may still be right sometimes. So in a disagreement, make your point and let it be. I shall not delve into the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus issue (or is it the other way round?). Being the first to make up shows that he is man enough (regardless whether he's right or wrong) to take the responsibility.

3. Points 3 to 6
Yup, it applies to the wives too.
They all appear to be heavy stuff and non-exhaustive but they're all that I can think of for now. Being mindful of events and situations will pre-empt any untowards from happening and keep the marriage a mutually happy, respectful and satifying one. Here's wishing the newly weds the best of everything!


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