Bruised Butt Cheeks

My butt cheeks are sore and bruised. I inspected them in the mirror this morning and saw a small bruise mark on each of the cheek. Before you think that I had participated in some S&M session, let me clarify. I went through a 2-hour WWF-inspired massage. With the kids still away, my wife thought it was a good opportunity to use up some of the credit hours she purchased for massage sessions. After being suitably impressed with the setup of the place in Casa Tropicana (where it moved to from our old apartment block). Had both feet scrubbed and washed, then changed into disposable briefs. While the rooms were very cozy I didn't quite like the laying on the wooden stripped floor as I found it difficult to place my head causing some discomfort to my shoulders. Anyway, all the good vibes disappeared as the masseuse set to work. Pain is assured in any deep tissue massage but this masseuse seemed to have graduated from "Helga's House Of Pain", to quote Hound Dog, the character played by Steve Buscemi in "Armageddon". She worked me with gusto and seemingly (I didn't peep) executed WWF elbow routines on my shoulders and butts repeatedly. I very nearly wanted to ask for a bite stick and bang the floor to ease the pain. After more than an hour, she moved on to the legs but after the pain inflicted on the upper body, what she did to the legs were . I've to remind myself to seek out other forms of massage - I prefer those sensual and relaxing ones over these deep tissue types. Perhaps a sports massage just before do-or-die races. Anyone experienced Swedish massage before?

On another note, I was published on the local edition of August Men's Health magazine. Click on the images below to read the article.